


we get a few years (and then it wants us back)

by alittlebitoftheuniverse, MinkyForShort



Series: Vaxilmore Modern AU [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode 57, Established Relationship, M/M, Rakshasas, Smut, Urban Fantasy, Violence, but modern au?, but only in the third chapter, the rest is fine, vax and pike work in a hospital, y'all know what i'm talkin about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-01 09:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18333479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoftheuniverse/pseuds/alittlebitoftheuniverse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinkyForShort/pseuds/MinkyForShort
Summary: Vax's life is near-perfect. He's got a loving husband, sweet children, and he loves his job. So what could possibly go wrong, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't reviewed this since I finished writing it literally five minutes ago, fair warning!

Vax liked working at the hospital. He liked feeling useful, helping people to feel better. The fact that Pike was always nearby was a bonus, but he would have enjoyed the job regardless.

Even when it meant he couldn’t be home to tuck his babies in.

“Papa’s gonna read me two stories tonight!” Rosie chattered, animated even as she rubbed her eyes sleepily. “And he said tomorrow we can go play in the park!”

“Really?” Vax smiled, watching her sweet little face on his phone screen. “That’ll be so fun, won’t it?”

“Yup!” she beamed. “Robin’s gonna play hide and seek with me. And you can come!”

“Can I?” Vax chuckled. “Thank you, sweetheart. Can I talk to Papa now? I’m sure it’s past your bedtime.”

Rosie pouted and huffed but handed the phone over after blowing Vax as many kisses as she could. He could hear her giggling as she and Robin went down the hall to their rooms and was still smiling when Shaun’s face appeared.

“Good luck getting her settled down,” he grinned, and Shaun laughed ruefully, shaking his hair free from its ponytail. “You look handsome tonight,” Vax sighed.

“Thank you, my bird,” Shaun smiled. “You look tired. Remind me when your shift ends?”

“I’ll be home around three,” Vax said, double checking his schedule. He peered closely at his husband in the camera. “Please don’t wait up for me this time. Get some sleep and I’ll let myself in.”

Shaun huffed. “I like to see you when you come in…” At Vax’s frown, he relented, grinning. “Yes, fine, Vax’ildan, I’ll go to sleep in our cold, empty bed all by myself, waiting for you to come home and fill the gap you’ve left.”

Vax snorted, eyes rolling. “Bastard.” They both trailed off, just smiling at each other, happy to see each other’s faces, until Vax sighed.

“I should get back to work,” he murmured. “Kiss the babies for me, yeah?”

“You have my word,” Shaun promised, smiling softly. “Don’t work too hard.”

Vax chuckled. “I love you, Shaun. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Vax. I love you too.”

Vax always hated the silence after they ended the call, the sudden lack of Shaun’s bright presence. Shaking his head, he got to his feet to take his turn of rotations.

It was a quiet night, which made the hospital seem slightly eerie as he made his way down the corridors, but Vax was glad there were no emergencies, at least, but it made the hours drag on and on. 3 a.m. seemed like a lifetime away.

He was on his way back from getting coffee when he turned the corner and saw Shaun, leaning against the wall outside the nurses’ station. Just the sight of him made Vax smile, laughing as he hurried toward him, standing up on his toes to kiss him softly.

“What’re you doing here?” he laughed incredulously. “It’s…” He glanced down at his watch. “It’s past midnight? Who’s got the kids?”

“The kids are fine,” Shaun said, voice low and rumbly in a way that made Vax’s face flush. “Can you take a break?”

“I…” Vax peered over to the desk, snorting as he saw Pike in there, waving him on. “Yeah,” he decided. “I’ve got a few minutes.”

“Excellent,” Shaun purred, guiding Vax away with a hand resting on his lower back. He led him back up the corridors, taking him around corners until they reached a quieter wing, Vax raising his eyebrows as Shaun pulled him into an empty room.

“Not that I don’t enjoy this,” he hummed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “But seriously, Shaun, who has the kids? It’s so late.”

“I’m well aware of the time, my darling,” Shaun answered, not looking particularly concerned. “This won’t take long, there’s just something we need to discuss. Something that couldn’t wait until you got home.”

That gave Vax pause, his head tilting to the side. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Shaun sighed deeply, sitting down next to him, hand on his shoulder. “I’m afraid so, Vax’ildan.” Vax frowned, opening his mouth to speak but Shaun cut across him. “You see…you’ve wronged me, my dear. Hurt me in ways I can’t even begin to describe.”

His grip on Vax’s shoulder was like a vice, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of Vax’s heart plummeting to his shoes, the rug pulled out from under his feet and leaving him spinning aimlessly. He swallowed before he spoke, trying to keep his voice level. “What…What are you talking about?”

Shaun’s lip curled into a snarl, one that made Vax flinch away from him and bolt to his feet. “I’m talking about all the pain you caused me, years ago, Vax.” He glared up at him. “I can’t stop thinking about how you hurt me. It’s all I ever think about.” As he stood up again, Vax caught a flash of yellow in his eyes, his mind racing as he started to back away toward the door.

“Shaun,” he said carefully. “I don’t understand. Why…?” And the pieces fell into place, his mouth falling open in horror as the figure before him started to laugh, something hard and cruel that didn’t fit Shaun’s voice at all.

“Oh, Vax’ildan,” he sighed, backing him against the door. “Did you really believe you could just get away from the crimes of your past and build a neat little life for yourself.” And before Vax could move, before he could open his mouth, there was a sharp pain in his side, a blade plunged to the hilt below his ribs. “Did you really think you could hide from me?” Shaun growled, and suddenly it wasn’t Shaun, hands twisting backwards so the palms faced out, smooth brown skin replaced by orange and black fur, the growl growing more animalistic.

Vax groaned as the creature drew the knife back out, his hand grasping weakly at the doorknob as blood started to soak his scrubs. “Hotis…”

Hotis’ wide maw twisted into a smile. “Ah, so you do remember me. I was about to be disappointed, Vax.”

The blade was poisoned, Vax could tell that much. He tried desperately to think of how long it would take for it to affect him, of where he could go, what he could do. As Hotis drew back a large paw, Vax twisted, jerking the door open so hard it smashed into Hotis’ face and bolting out into the corridor, heart stuttering at the roar of pain from inside the room. There was nobody here, he didn’t have his daggers, and he needed help. Taking a deep breath, he screamed the only word he could think.

_“Jenga!”_

Pike, beautiful, brilliant Pike heard him, because he knew she would, even though it’s been years since any of them had to use their code word. She tore down the corridor, mace in hand, skidding to a stop at the sight of him.

“Vax! What’s wro-?” Her eyes went wide. “You’re bleeding!”

Vax batted her searching hands away, wincing. “Hotis,” he wheezed. “Danger.”

Pike looked up in time to see the rakshasa burst out of the room, claws extended, eyes wild. In an instant, Pike pulled Vax behind her and summoned an impossibly bright white light to blind Hotis. Not wasting a second, she seized Vax’s hand and took off running, dragging him back up the corridors with more speed than Vax knew she had in her. They reached her office and she barricaded the door behind them, breathing hard.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay, okay, okay…”

Vax’s chest was feeling constricted and tight, and there were tears rolling down his cheeks he hadn’t even realized were there until they splashed onto his shirt.

“Okay,” Pike nodded to herself, seeming to come to a decision. “Let me heal you real qui-“ But Vax shook his head.

“Hotis might go after the patients, you need to go…go get security.”

Pike hesitated, glancing between him and the door. “Shit, Vax,” she groaned. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Keep the door locked, don’t let anyone in but me, and…gods, sit down before you collapse, please.”

Vax waved her away, though he did drop into a chair the minute she was gone, his head falling into his hands as he replayed the last few minutes in his head.

“It wasn’t Shaun,” he told himself, trying to be firm but his voice still shook. “It wasn’t him, it _wasn’t_.”

He continued to talk to himself, trying to slow his heart down, until there was a voice at the door.

“Vax!” Pike. “Vax, let me in, I’m back!”

He actually almost unlocked the door before thinking better of it, drawing back. “Pike?” he called instead. “Is it really you?”

“It is, I swear,” her voice shook with anxiety. “Um, okay, okay, so I call you string bean and you call me pickle. The beads in your hair are from our trip to the beach last summer…”

That was enough for Vax. He reached to open the door, but it took longer than he wanted, making him scowl. He’d picked locks harder than this one, but his fingers were failing him now, feeling thick and clumsy as he finally managed to turn the lock and open the door, Pike sighing in relief.

“Okay,” she smiled. _“Now_ can I please heal you?”

Vax started to move toward her, but a large paw swiped out at her, smacking her in the chest and sending her into the opposite wall. Hotis shouldered his way into the room, teeth bared. “If your friend is smart, she’ll stay down,” he snarled.

Vax skittered backwards, hand reaching for anything he could use, landing on Pike’s heavy stapler. He felt ridiculous, with that as his only weapon, the poison in his body making his tongue heavy and stupid, making him sway where he stood.

“How the mighty have fallen,” Hotis purred. “You don’t look so good, Vax. Please, allow me to put you out of your misery.”

“Fuck off,” Vax groaned, the only words his brain could summon up.

Hotis laughed at that, shoving him back against the window, raising the poisoned blade to his throat, tilting his chin back to expose his neck. “See what happens when you cross Hotis?” he said, voice quiet. “I’m going to enjoy this, but don’t worry. I’ll stop by your home when I’m finished here.” His form changed, and he was Shaun again, still with the awful look of hatred on his face. “What do you think, Vax’ildan?” he mused. “What do you think your poor husband will look like when I’m done with him? Or your little girl?”

When he looked back later, Vax would never be able to recall the exact movements he made, exactly what happened in that instant as Hotis started to press the edge of the blade into his skin. But suddenly, that blade ended up in Vax’s palm, rolled free from Hotis’ grasp, and Vax had swung up onto his shoulders, again orange, thighs tight around his head as he pressed the blade into the thick fur of his neck.

“Stay the fuck away from them,” Vax said with a snarl of his own. “If you ever fucking go near them, I’ll make sure you never find your way out of the Nine Hells again.”

And for the second time since Vax met Hotis, all those years ago, he slit his throat.

The noise Hotis made was horrible, caught between a growl and a scream, throwing Vax forward as he crumpled to the ground. He tried one more swipe toward Vax, wicked claws gleaming, and a bright light consumed him, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ashes and the echo of a scream. Vax twisted hazily, all his energy gone, and saw Pike, panting heavily and leaning against the door, blood trickling down her forehead. Her hand was stretched out toward the ashes, the expression on her face like nothing Vax had ever seen.

Vax’s tongue felt like lead in his mouth, but he tried to speak anyway. “Call Shaun,” he slurred. “The kids…somewhere safe.”

Pike was on her knees by his side in an instant, her fierce expression replaced by a panicked one as she set her hands on his side. All he could do was blink up at her, vision going fuzzy at the edges.

“Stay with me, Vax,” Pike ordered, but she sounded far away, like she was at the end of a long tunnel. She gasped, holding his face. “No, no, no…”

And his vision faded to black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax has a dream. Gilmore and Vex wait for him to wake up.

Vax was floating when he opened his eyes. When he looked down, at first it seemed that he was lying in an endless black ocean, buoyed up by rolling waves, but in the next instant he realized it was actually glossy black feathers. The same moment that he came to that conclusion, a voice spoke, echoing all around him, though he couldn’t see the source.

“Vax’ildan…”

It was a woman’s voice, simultaneously unfamiliar and achingly soothing.

“Hello?” he was surprised to find that his voice was working. It echoed too.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the woman standing in front him where a second before there had only been darkness. She seemed to be cloaked in the raven feathers that surrounded them, as though they were clinging to her skin. Covering her face was a porcelain mask, fixed with a blank stare as she looked at him.

“Vax’ildan,” she said again, sighing his name. “You’ve come so far…”

Somehow he knew her name, most likely something that had stayed in his mind from years before, when he was a student. “You’re the Raven Queen,” he said, getting unsteadily to his feet, dipping his head. He’d never had much to do with the gods before, but surely it couldn’t hurt to show deference to the goddess of death.

“Yes,” she said, looking down at him. “I’ve been watching you for a long time.”

That should have worried Vax, sent a chill down his spine and set him on edge. It didn’t.

“Why?” he asked, noting how the feathers had come up to cover him as well, soft against his skin.

The mask tilted to the side, eyes boring into him. “Why?” she asked. “I have to admit you fascinate me. I’ve rarely known someone so young, so close to death so often. You’ve always been running toward death, Vax’ildan. And here you are. Sooner than I’d hoped. But here you are.”

That sent chills down his spine, as he suddenly realized he hadn’t breathed in all this time. That he didn’t need to.

“Am I dead?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. “Is that why you’re here?”

Though the expression on the mask didn’t change, she seemed thoughtful, as though she was mulling things over.

“You’re…not dead yet,” she spoke eventually. “Though you’re well on your way. The poison’s in your heart, Vax’ildan.”

Fear clutched at his chest then as faces flickered through his mind. Shaun. Rosie. Robin. Vex. Gods, Vex. His hands started to shake.

“What do you want me to do?” he demanded, and the Raven Queen seemed surprised for the first time.

“Do?” she asked. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Do,” he repeated. “To not be dead. I can’t be dead. I’ve got a family.”

Her voice was dry. “Many of the dead have families, dear one. That isn’t unique.”

‘But…But,” Vax struggled for words, desperate to make her see. “You said that I’m special. That you watch me. Wouldn’t you rather do it with me still alive? So you can keep watching whatever ridiculous shit I do?”

That idea actually seemed to amuse her. “I would enjoy that very much,” she admitted, and his heart jumped into his throat. “However,” she added, and it sunk back down again. “I’m not in the business of reversing death myself. Death is the natural end to life, Vax’ildan.”

“Please,” he said, and let his voice shake this time. “I can’t die. It’s not fucking fair.” When she still seemed unmoved, he fell to his knees, relieved that the feathers under him didn’t cave in and swallow him whole. “I’m not dead yet. I’m not.”

She looked away from him, and in that moment he could hear voices, so faint and so far above him that he almost couldn’t make out the words. But he knew the voices.

One was Vex’s, tight with tears, pleading. The other belonged to Shaun, all the music and the life gone out of it, leaving behind heartbreak like Vax had never heard in his husband’s voice. He could almost feel their hands in his, both of them trying so hard to pull him back to them. He closed his eyes as his throat burned, though no tears came rolling down his cheeks. Of course not. Dead people didn’t cry.

“Please,” he said again, barely above a whisper. “I have to go back. They need me. I need them.”

The Raven Queen sighed heavily, looking back to him again. She shook her head, almost as though she were exasperated. Vax braced himself.

“Go,” she said, and fuck him, all he could do was blink and say, “What?”

She chuckled then, and it was surprisingly light. “Go, Vax’ildan. Back to your family. Go…do ridiculous shit.”

He swayed on his feet when he got back up. “And…that’s it?” he asked curiously.

He could hear the smile in her voice when she spoke again. “I’ll watch over you, dear one. Just remember me from time to time.”

“I can do that,” he nodded. “I promise.”

“Good,” she murmured, and bone white hands came up to pull her mask down. Vax couldn’t help a gasp at the sight of her. Long dark hair tumbled down her shoulders, framing her pale face. Her wide eyes, the irises shockingly scarlet, merely stared at him, seeming to drink in the sight of him standing there before her. She was beautiful, but looked so, so sad.

And then she moved, cupping his face in her hands. He couldn’t help flinching. Her skin was like ice. But she didn’t look perturbed. In fact, a faint smile played across her lips.

“Goodbye, Vax’ildan,” she murmured. “I’m sure I’ll see you again.”

He started to speak, uneasy about that, opening his mouth to say so, but she shook her head. “Close your eyes,” she whispered, and leaned in, pressing her lips to his forehead. Vax closed his eyes tightly, until he felt her hands and lips fade in to nothingness, leaving him behind. But then, he felt the weight of more hands pressing into his, both pairs achingly familiar, pulling him up, up, up, even as he kept his eyes tightly closed.

When he opened his eyes again, he was lying in a hospital bed. And then he was upright, gasping for breath, his lungs burning as though he’d been underwater for too long, eyes streaming as he tried to take breath.

_“Vax!”_

There were voices around him, clamoring, someone calling for a doctor, but they all pounded together in his head, his body weak where he’d felt perfectly healthy a minute before. His head throbbed and spun, and then large, gentle hands were easing him back down onto the pillow.

“Shh, my bird. It’s okay, you’re safe with us.”

Of all the reactions Vax had expected to have to blinking and seeing his husband’s face above his, yelping and flinching away hadn’t been even a thought. But he did, jerking back so hard he hit someone on his other side. Because he was suddenly remembering Hotis, wearing Shaun’s face, looming over him. Shaun’s eyes smoldering with hatred. Shaun’s lips curled into a snarl. Shaun’s hand plunging the knife into his side.

Shaun’s face falling in confusion when Vax pulled away from him. Vax’s heart sinking.

“I’m sorry,” he tried to say, but the words only came out as a single hoarse croak.

“Asshole,” came Vex’s voice from behind him, and he looked at her because that was easier, and because she was smiling through her tears.

Vax swallowed before he spoke again, determined to make himself heard this time. “Sorry.”

“You should be sorry,” Vex nodded firmly, pursing her lips. “I mean, shit, I think I can stop chasing you from danger every five minutes now you’re a responsible husband and father, but _no._ You pull this shit. I’d kick your ass if you hadn’t just been attacked.”

“Okay,” Vax groaned, holding up his hands weakly. “Sorry, Stubby. It was an accident.”

Shaun spoke up again, though Vax noticed he kept his distance. “I don’t really understand what happened,” he admitted. “Pike said…you were attacked by a rakshasa? Why would one have even come into the hospital in the first place?”

Vax stared at his hands, folding them on his chest carefully before he spoke. “He, ah…he came after me…because I killed him before. A long time ago.”

Vex’s face twisted in confusion, and Vax sighed, remembering that she hadn't been with him when he killed Hotis the first time. "Sorry," he mumbled again. He was starting to hate the feeling of that word, but he couldn't seem to stop saying it, couldn't stop thinking it, not with Shaun's sad eyes on him.

Pike came in at that moment, her footsteps brisk and her eyes bright. "Vax!" she beamed. "Glad to see that you're awake!"

"Thanks to you," he chuckled, wincing when it turned into a cough instead. "Gods, this sucks."

Pike nodded, moving to check his vitals. "Your body was hanging onto that poison, string bean, it took forever to pump it all out of your system. The doctor wants to keep you here overnight for observation at least, and then we'll see how you're looking tomorrow. But for now, you should just try to rest."

"Easier said than done," Vax groaned, leaning back and closing his eyes, jumping a little when he heard Shaun's voice.

"Can I stay?" he was asking. "Will they let me? And the kids?"

Vex piped up quickly. "They can come home with us if they need to, it's absolutely no problem."

"No," Vax blinked his eyes open again. "I want them here with me." He looked back at Pike pleadingly. "I need to be able to see them."

She reached over, patting his hand gently with hers, warm against his skin. "I'm sure we can bend the rules just this once," she winked. "I'll go talk to the doctors."

“Thank you, Pickle,” he murmured, stopping her. “Seriously. You were amazing, and you saved my ass.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled, tilting her head. “I’m just glad I was there. Now let me go bribe the doctors into putting your kids up for the night.” And then she was gone, with one more brilliant smile before she left.

Vex squeezed Vax’s shoulder gently, standing and bending down to kiss his forehead. “I’ll go get your little monsters; Grog took them down to the cafeteria.”

“Thanks, Vex,” he murmured, mustering up a smile just for her, waiting until she had left the room before he let it drop again. And then he and Shaun were alone.

“I should have asked if you wanted me to stay,” Shaun said, cheeks flushed. “I don’t have to, you must be so tired, I can just let you rest…”

“Shaun,” Vax sighed, moving over carefully in his bed, trying not to tug on his IV. “Come lie down with me?”

Shaun looked surprised, but eased himself into the bed carefully, reaching out for Vax’s hand. “I’m here,” he murmured when Vax took his hand and moved closer, pressing himself into Shaun’s chest. He breathed in the scent of his cologne, something rich and warm, making him think of home, of their bed, of their life. Hotis hadn’t smelled like that, even when he was disguised, Vax realized. The thought made him tighten. He was a fucking idiot.

“I should have known.” He seemed as surprised as Shaun was that he’d spoken aloud. Shaun propped himself up on one arm, forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“Darling?”

Vax groaned, scrubbing a hand across his face, eyes closing again. "Hotis," he admitted, voice quiet. "When he came here...he looked like you. Rakshasas can disguise themselves."

He didn't have to look to hear the pain in Shaun's voice. "He...He attacked you as _me?"_

Vax nodded, biting on his lip as the tears that had refused to make themselves known before threatened to fall. "I kissed him," he murmured, face twisting at the memory. "I should have known...I fucking should have known it wasn't you. You would have never left the kids alone in the middle of the night. But he was just...just standing there, and I was just thinking about you, and i missed you, and..."

Shaun's hands were covering his, bringing them to his lips to kiss over Vax's knuckles gently. "Please don't feel guilty, my love. Nothing that happened tonight was your fault."

Vax gave a little half-sob at that, hands shaking. "But he kept saying that...that I'd hurt you? That I'd broken your heart and caused you so much pain, and..." He gasped a little, eyes flying open. "It was worse than when he stabbed me with that godsdamned poison dagger."

Something in Vax's chest seemed to burst at that, and suddenly he was sobbing into Shaun's chest, hands clutching tightly at Shaun's shirt, his hands, his hair, fluttering uncertainly as though of their own accord, feeding off of his anxiety and the ache in his chest, sending him spiraling further and further into replays of what had happened. Shaun's hand thrusting a knife into his side, and looking pleased about it. His shoulders shook hard, and that just made everything hurt worse, making his head spin and the wound in his side throb.

But then Shaun's arms were there, holding him as tightly as he dared, and so was his voice, low and murmuring to him, even though Vax couldn't catch the words, the rumble of his chest was soothing. And there he stayed, holding him and talking, until Vax's vision cleared and he could breathe again, still trembling in Shaun's arms.

"Sorry," he gasped out, for what must have been that fiftieth time that evening. Evening? Morning? He didn't have a clue what time it was.

"Never be sorry for that, my bird," Shaun said softly, kissing his forehead. "I'm here for you. And... I’m so sorry that this happened. I'm so sorry that he used me to hurt you, but I promise, he'll never come near you again."

"He was going to go to our house," Vax recalled, panic kicking at his chest. "He was going to hurt you, and the kids...He would have, if Pike hadn't been there. He would've killed me."

Shaun kissed his head again. "My love, do you think I would ever let anyone hurt our babies?"

"No," Vax admitted, resting heavily against him. "I just...I hate this. It isn’t fucking fair, Shaun, I can’t let you all get hurt for my shitty mistakes.”

Shaun rocked him gently. "Nobody's hurt us, Vax. Nobody's going to hurt us."

Vax nodded. "I'll keep you all safe," he promised firmly, and felt more than saw Shaun's smile.

"Just rest now," he murmured into Vax's hair. "Don't worry about anything, just let your body heal."

Vax closed his eyes again, burrowing down into his husband's chest, clinging to him even as sleep overtook his heavy, exhausted body. He didn't even wake up when Rosie and Robin came back in, carrying a tower of packaged cupcakes that Uncle Grog had promised would make their daddy feel better. He didn’t wake up when Pike got the kids settled in for the night, once they’d carefully leaned over the bed to kiss Shaun goodnight.

Vax slept. And Shaun stayed awake, holding him close and stroking his hair. But his golden eyes stayed wide open, flickering toward every movement, every noise in the corridor outside.

All night he stayed awake. And he kept watch over his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie to y'all, I did the barest of proofreading for this, so I apologize for any massive mistakes. But! If you liked this, please consider leaving a comment, they really make my day and encourage me to keep writing!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore and Vax need to have discussion after Vax gets home from the hospital.

When Gilmore looked out the back door, he wasn't as surprised as he perhaps should have been to see his husband standing out in the grass, the shadows of dusk washing over him, leaving him beautiful and otherworldly. And if that had been all, Gilmore might have been satisfied with that. But the tight expression on Vax's face, the weariness in every line of his body as hurled dagger after dagger at the target he'd pinned to a tree trunk. On the back step, Rosie sat, knees tucked up to her chest as she watched him, cloth dragon held tightly between her hands. Her icy blue eyes followed Vax's every move, worrying her lip gently until Gilmore sighed and opened the door.

"Papa!" she turned to him, pouting as he beckoned her. "Nooo, it's not bedtime yet!"

"It's time for you to come in and settle down," Gilmore chuckled gently. "I'm sorry, my little love."

She sighed as dramatically as it was possible for a five-year-old to do, turning back to the yard and raising her voice a little. "Daddy! It's bedtime! Want my story!"

Vax hardly looked, twirling his next dagger between his fingers. "Go on and get into bed, I'll come up later."

Rosie's little frame slumped at that, but she didn't argue as Gilmore scooped her up, stroking her hair as he carried her inside. In the time it took for her to get her pajamas on and teeth brushed, Vax still hadn't come in, and Rosie's lip wobbled as Gilmore tucked her many, many blankets around her.

"Want Daddy," she sniffled, scrubbing at her eyes. "He has to read my story."

Gilmore sighed, kissing her forehead. "He'll come in soon, I'm sure. Can Papa read your story in the meantime?"

In the end, he read her three different storybooks, and every time he finished one, Rosie sat up to peek out the window hopefully, face crumpling after the last time when she saw her daddy still down in the yard. Gilmore bundled her up into his lap, rocking her and murmuring as soothingly as he could until she'd finally cried herself to sleep, tears giving way to her exhaustion. Gilmore held her for another few long moments before sighing, settling her back into her blankets and pressing her dragon into her arms when she tried to cling to him in her sleep. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead before steeling himself and leaving the room, heading back downstairs.

Robin was down in the kitchen, making a pot of tea, and he jumped as Gilmore entered the room. It was surprising to see him in all honesty, he’d been spending most of the time since Vax had come home from the hospital holed up in his room. He wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, their son, so Gilmore received a second surprise when he spoke.

“Dad’s not…he’s not okay, is he?” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he clutched his mug between his hands almost fearfully.

Gilmore sighed, reaching up to get a mug of his own. “Your daddy is working through some things, my love. It’s been rough for him.”

Robin nodded, but he still looked worried. “He’s not eating. I don’t think he’s sleeping.”

“I know,” Gilmore murmured, kissing his head. “I’m going to talk to him. Just…don’t expect a turnaround right away.”

Robin nodded, giving a tiny smile. “I’m gonna go upstairs. Love you, Papa.”

“I love you,” Gilmore smiled, watching him go.

He tried to occupy his mind with his drink, but even the delicate white tea he'd been enjoying recently couldn't settle him, and he reluctantly got up from the table, pouring another mug and opening the back door.

Vax didn't react, didn't even look up until Gilmore was standing directly behind him, giving a pointed cough. And even then, he only gave the slightest of twitches.

"Hey," he hummed, letting another dagger fly from his hand, quivering ominously in the center of the target.

Gilmore sighed. "Vax'ildan."

"Uh-oh," Vax said, fingers dancing across belt for a blade and finding it empty. He huffed, moving to pull the daggers from the target. "You sound like you're about to tell me off," he said, voice carefully light as he stepped back into his place.

Gilmore rubbed his eyes wearily. "Vax. Come inside."

"I will soon," Vax insisted. It was the same promise he'd made and broken every night that week, ever since he'd gotten home from the hospital. "I'm just really out of practice, I don't know how I let myself get so far gone." Another knife thrown. this one nicking the edge of the target and making Vax scowl. "See?" He reached for the next blade, and in that moment, Gilmore found himself moving, standing between Vax and the tree.

Vax sighed. "Shaun. Move over, you're in the way."

"My love," Gilmore murmured, reaching out to him. "This isn't necessary."

He tried to catch Vax's gaze, seeing the clear desperation and worry in his dark eyes before Vax turned his face away, tossing the dagger in his hand. "I'm just practicing, Shaun, I'll be in soon. You can go on to bed."

"Rosie cried herself to sleep," he found himself saying, and winced as, in that moment Vax tossed the knife again, and at his words turned his attention away from it, slicing open his finger as it fell from his grasp. Vax hissed in pain, stepping back, and Gilmore groaned.

"Come here, let me look at you-"

"No," Vax all but snarled, curling around his bleeding hand. "It's fine, just leave it."

Gilmore blinked, withdrawing his hands even as he saw tears in Vax's eyes. "Darling..."

"Are you...are you just trying to make me feel like an asshole?" Vax demanded, voice thick. "Just...leave it, all right?"

“Vax,” Gilmore murmured, approaching him again, picking up the dagger that had been dropped, his chest tightening unpleasantly at the sight of Vax’s blood just on the very edge. “You don’t have to do this, my love.”

Vax swiped his uninjured hand across his eyes, lip quivering. “You don’t understand.”

Gilmore stepped back, still clutching the dagger, the grip unfamiliar and odd in his hand, so long ago molded to fit Vax’s fingers. “I think I do,” he said. “I think that you’re afraid of not being able to protect us from whatever ugly thing rears its head next. I think you’re angry at yourself for relaxing and just living life for the first time in a long, long time. And I think you’re feeling guilty because our children are upset. Am I close?”

Vax’s turned his gaze to the ground, nudging a blade of grass with the toe of his boot. “I…maybe…”

Gilmore softened, turning the blade around and offering it handle-first to Vax. "Protecting us is not your job alone, Vax'ildan. We share that job. And as much as you practice, your children don't want a guard. They want their father. And," he added, smiling hopefully. "I'd like my husband back. You've been home a week and I've barely seen you."

Vax took the dagger, but his shoulders were shaking. "I-I know...I just..."

Gilmore approached him slowly, inching forward until he could get his arms around Vax's shoulders, drawing him into his chest.

"My love," he sighed, heart twisting painfully as Vax let out a little sob. "Oh, Vax, I'm here..."

He didn't know how long he stood out there, holding his husband in their backyard, rubbing a hand over his hair and up and down his back, trying to soothe him. But when it was over and Vax was done, there was a relaxed slump to his shoulders, and his gaze didn't seem quite as heavy as it had before. He drew back, wiping at his red-tinged eyes, smiling crookedly. "Messed up your shirt."

Gilmore looked down, shrugging. Prestidigitation made that easy enough to clean up, and it made Vax's smile widen a little. He cradled Vax's face in his hands, smiling back at him. "Let's go inside, darling, it's late."

Vax nodded, and with a heavy sigh, removed the belt that held his daggers around his waist. He pressed the belt into Gilmore's hand, shaking his head.

"Hang on to that for me, will you?" he asked, head tilted. "So I don't wake up tomorrow and try to get back to it."

Gilmore chuckled, nodding. "I can do that for you, little bird. But for now, can I bring you inside and take care of you for a while?"

Taking care of Vax was a privilege, something Gilmore always found a special joy in. First was cleaning and wrapping the cut on his hand, then drawing him a warm bath full of his favorite calming scents, the water magically never going cold. He could rub the ache from Vax's tense muscles, feeling Vax relax under his hands until he was practically boneless, resting back against Gilmore's chest heavily, coaxed and cajoled into sitting up enough so that Gilmore could wash his hair, using Vax's favorite shampoo and combing it out afterward, continuing to run the comb over his hair long after all the tangles were gone and Vax's hair was left silky again. Vax normally was near falling asleep by this point, struggling to keep his eyes open, but he turned suddenly, bracing his hands on Gilmore's shoulders and looking at him with wide, dark eyes.

"Vax?" he murmured, stroking a long strand of hair back from his face.

Vax swallowed. "Do you, um, do you think I've recovered enough to have sex with you?"

Gilmore chuckled, hands gliding down Vax's chest, pausing at the scar that was all that remained of the knife wound. "Well, Pike did work some serious healing magic..."

Vax leaned in, nuzzling along Gilmore's jaw gently, pressing a kiss just at the corner of his mouth. "Please, Shaun," he murmured. "I promise I'll tell you if something doesn't feel right." Another kiss, this time on his chin. "I need you," he whispered.

And how the hell was anyone supposed to say no to that?

Gilmore kissed him, the first kiss since he'd been home, aside from the light pecks he'd pressed to Vax's lips and his cheeks on the occasion he could get him to slow down long enough. He pulled him close, hands still gentle and mindful of any pain his body still held, even as Vax whined, gripping his shoulders tight.

"You're not going to rush me, darling," he murmured against Vax's lips. "You know you're not."

Vax pressed open-mouthed kisses down his neck, hot and panting and making Gilmore wonder if he was going to have to take his own words back. He groaned, head tipping back against the edge of the bathtub as Vax nuzzled along his collarbone.

"Shaun," he breathed against his skin, like a prayer, and Gilmore couldn't stand it any longer, scooping Vax up and carrying him into the bedroom, leaving a shower of water droplets behind them. Nothing a quick cantrip couldn't fix, not even taking up a fraction of his mind as he settled Vax into bed gently, crawling over him just to kiss down his chest, pressing his lips to every scar that marked up his husband's body, a patchwork map of everything he'd been through, everything that had gotten him to where he was now.

Vax moaned into his hands as Gilmore opened him up with now-slick fingers, watching as Vax's skin flushed all the way down to his chest, until Vax had had enough and was reaching up to clutch almost frantically at his shoulders. Pressing into him felt like the most natural thing in the whole world.

 It was hard to believe how desperate a week apart had made them, how greedy, Vax muffling his noises in his hands. For someone who had made an art out of moving so silently that often Gilmore didn't realize where he was until he was standing right next to him, he was loud in bed, gasping and moaning out pleas for Gilmore to hold him tighter, fuck him harder, to never stop. Gilmore kissed him, mostly because he wanted to, but partially to make sure the kids stayed asleep and blissfully unaware.

It wasn't long before they were both coming, Vax with a high gasp of his husband's name, Gilmore silently, face buried in Vax's long hair, holding him closely. "My little bird," he breathed, pressing kisses to his skin, still damp from the bath.

"I love you," Vax murmured, hands coming up to rub his shoulders, eyes wide open and soft in a way they only ever got after they'd had sex. "Shaun, you know I love you so much, don't you?"

"I do know that," he smiled, pulling out gently and moving to lie beside him, pulling Vax back into his arms when he whined. "I love you too.”

Vax pressed a kiss to his jaw, smiling softly, resting in his arms a moment longer before pushing himself up, looking around for his pajama pants and pulling them on. Gilmore tilted his head curiously, but Vax smiled and leaned down to kiss him one more time.

“There’s something else I’ve got to do,” he whispered. “I’ll be back in just a minute, I promise.”

“I can’t promise I won’t be asleep,” Gilmore sighed, eyes twinkling at him in the dark. “Hurry back, darling.”

He was, in fact, asleep, almost before Vax had left the room. But Vax moved across the hall, pushing Robin’s door open first. His son was lying on his back, chest rising and falling evenly, his headphones still on. Vax couldn’t help smiling, moving the headphones as gently as he could, setting them on the nightstand before leaning down to press a kiss to Robin’s forehead, making sure he was covered up before leaving and heading to the room next door.

Rosie was asleep too, curled up into a little ball with her cloth dragon hugged to her chest. There were still tear marks on her cheeks, and Vax’s heart twisted at the side. She shifted when he kissed her curls, eyes flickering open.

“Daddy?” she squeaked, jumping a little.

“It’s only me, baby,” he murmured, stroking her hair. “I just wanted to come tell you goodnight.”

“You okay?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Yeah, Rosie,” he smiled. “I’m okay.”

“Good,” she yawned, curling back under her blankets. “Love you.”

“I love you too,” he chuckled, giving her one more kiss before getting up, moving back to his bedroom.

He curled back into his husband’s arms, grinning when Gilmore shifted over to make more room for him even in his sleep. After that, rest came easily. There would be things to work through, things to plan for. But for now? Now, he could sleep soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I've enjoyed writing this so much! I hope you guys liked it, you're welcome to come yell at me in the comments or on tumblr about it @spiky-lesbian and @yasha-pick-me-up

**Author's Note:**

> Yiiikes, I'm sorry! I swear there's more coming, it doesn't stay with everything gone to hell. If you guys want to yell at me about this, please leave a comment! You can also find me on tumblr @spiky-lesbian and @yasha-pick-me-up! And @minky-for-short was a fucking huge help so give her a follow too!


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